bjornlarssen

My creative anxiety

Phil at Asymmetric Creativity wrote a really good Medium post about creative anxiety.

“Dr. John Kounios’s research revealed something that changed how I think about creative doubt: people who experience moderate levels of creative anxiety produce significantly more original work than those who experience either very low or very high anxiety.

There’s a sweet spot where doubt actually enhances creative output. Too little doubt and you skip the refinement process. This often produces work that might be fluent but not meaningful. Too much doubt and your evaluative system overwhelms your creative system, leading to paralysis.”

This explains my experience, or at least a part of it, because my anxiety never really goes away. Not even when the book is out.

My requirements

I’m a simple person. All I want is to always write a better book than the one before, and each of my books is the best I could write. So, I have to keep getting better. I’m a perfectionist. This is perfect recipe for anxiety. What if I don’t get even better this time?! I have only rewritten Why Odin Drinks seven times instead of my usual 20+, what if it needed some more rewrites?

My creative anxiety Read More »

Bloodbath & Beyond is with my editor!

Phew! I’m heading towards the fourth base!

How my books happen

My writing process goes like this:

1. Draft zero, where I just vomit the text on the page to see what I don’t know or what I’ll be writing. I don’t even re-read my draft zero and I even more don’t show it to anybody.

2. The first official draft, where I figure out the missing parts to the best of my ability.

3. Many, many revisions, which in my case tend to be complete rewrites. I’m actually shooketh, because the last redraft of Bloodbath & Beyond – the sequel to Why Odin Drinks – was a revision/edit. I haven’t rewritten the whole thing. This is truly unprecedented. It means two things: a) it’s really good already; b) it feels like I have written the Worst Book Ever.

4. I send the text to my editor. In this case, I am delighted to announce the return of Megan Thee Editor, who worked on all my books except Land. I actually already have some text back from her, the first part, which requires substantial rewrites which is why I haven’t posted any of it here.

Bloodbath & Beyond is with my editor! Read More »

Human on the verge of a nervous breakdown

Ever since I’ve read the results of a BookBub survey about authors’ use of AI I’ve been low-key depressed and demotivated. 45% of the 1,200+ authors surveyed (I was one of them) have used AI in various ways – take a look at the survey to see what they’ve done with it. Some are pretty smug about it. Others, including me, are… I’m not sure. Fossils?

Write every day

(All the quotes used in this post come from the survey, unless indicated otherwise)

“It’s a great accelerator (I have two books in flight — I can probably get them both out in the time it previously took to write one).”

I am working on one book right now, Bloodbath & Beyond, the sequel to Why Odin Drinks (follow me on Bluesky for daily snippets – check out the #WhyOdinDrinks hashtag). I hope it will come out this year, with emphasis on ‘hope’. Still, I can’t imagine using generative AI to ‘accelerate’ my process. Even if it was any good at it, which it isn’t.

I think of myself as a sculptor; I have a vision of what I want to achieve, and I chop and chisel at the words until I get exactly where I want to be. I see no use for AI there at least until it learns telepathy. I know what I want to give my readers and I know when it’s not there yet. But…

“I’m in a Facebook group of authors using AI to create books monthly, weekly, and daily. I believe it will alienate a readership that already has a hard enough time sorting through the glut of available reading options.”

Daily. That’s not an author, that’s a factory.

Human on the verge of a nervous breakdown Read More »

Cathedra

(originally posted on www.ko-fi.com/bjornlarssen)

If I could own one work of art, it would be Cathedra by Barnett Newman.

I’ve never been into abstract paintings. I find Rothko interesting mostly because I wonder how he got so many people to fall for it. (Did you know that towards the end of his life he received an order to decorate a ship with his paintings, and he had his students paint them all under his direction? But you can bet the students didn’t get to sign them.) So, seeing this painting on a photograph didn’t exactly excite me.

Until I stood in front of it.

And then a bit closer.

Then even closer. …

Cathedra Read More »

Ideas, big and small

I got my writing mojo back since I last posted about my complete creative block. This is obviously very good news. I don’t know what has changed. Perhaps I just needed time to process what had happened in December, which I tend to do in my subconscious – if I am completely exhausted mentally despite having done nothing, that means my subconscious is working.

My subconscious also works on writing the same way.

Ideas

I’ve been asked many times where I get my ideas from, and my answer is always the same: I can give you five ideas right now, the problem is where to get good ideas.

But a general idea is not enough. I have the first (or zero-th) draft of the follow-up to Storytellers written down, basically what I dreamt plus some padding. It needs a lot of actual content, because while the padding is kinda interesting as soil, you need seeds before something sprouts, not to mention growing into flowers. (In Iceland, probably the purple lupines, pictured above.) So, the big idea needs small ideas…

When ideas don’t work

Some ideas are actually dead end streets. They seem fine in the beginning, then as they develop, they’re also unraveling. I’ve written a lot of stuff that will never get published, because I was sure going somewhere with it, but it took so many detours and split into so many threads I no longer know where I was going to end up.

This applies to small and big ideas. For Land, I had the idea of Magni accidentally inventing communism. I swear Magni crossed his sizeable arms on his chest and said, “I am not doing this.” I asked, surprised, “what are you doing, then?” “You are the author, you figure it out.” Then he left me with the general outline for Land now useless except the first and the final part. I have created this person (I am not too fond of the word ‘character’ when it comes to my writing) with his likes, dislikes, background, needs, wishes, and creating communism simply wasn’t something Magni would do. If I tried to force it to happen nevertheless, I’d end up with a bad book and reviews mentioning the unexplained change for the worse from Children.

Bloodbath & Beyond

I’m finishing the second (i.e. 10th) draft of the sequel to Why Odin Drinks now. The first part is already with Megan Thee Editor. And oh boy, does this book require lots of ideas.

Humour is incredibly difficult to write, because it’s so subjective. I’ve been raised on British comedy (thank you, BBC One!) and those who know my pop-culture references got extra laughs from Why Odin Drinks. Those who don’t, were hopefully mildly amused at least. I write a lot of slapstick, though, and if you do not find slapstick comedy funny at all, even if it’s crafted by a master I don’t pretend to be, you won’t laugh at this book at all. It’s got my lowest overall rating on Goodreads and I am not surprised or disappointed. This is how humour works: sometimes it doesn’t. Ask any stand-up comedian performing for a random audience who doesn’t know them at all.

But jokes are also hard. Emotionally, The Ten Worlds is work, because it’s so autobiographical. From the craft point of view, Why Odin Drinks (the series) is the hardest. Some parts of the Norse lore are hilarious, but in a very bloody way. I try to keep that off-page. Some are interesting and quite deep, but simply not that hilarious. I try to keep that off-page. I have to fill in those blanks, and I need lots of small ideas to do that.

The Big Idea

The Ten Worlds in itself is the big idea – the Norse universe of the Nine Worlds plus Earth, as I don’t subscribe to the belief that Earth = Midgard. Why Odin Drinks is like a series of very early prequels to The Ten Worlds, and there are connections between the two. (If you’ve read both Children and the original Why Odin Drinks story, you know who the singularity is, for instance.)

Bloodbath & Beyond is Freya’s coming-of-Goddess story and illustrates how words and actions have certain unintended consequences – in this case, turning a petulant teenage Goddess into the woman you meet on the pages of Children and Land. (Hint: in the Norse lore, Freya is burnt at a stake three times. This isn’t very hilarious.)

While the sequel to Storytellers is definitely going to happen, I am apparently a fantasy author. This hasn’t happened on purpose. It’s just that I want to write about two things, the Norse beliefs/lore and Iceland, and they’re inseparable. There will be a story published on Ko‑fi soon-ish where Magni helps, AD 1000, a góði to decide whether the Icelanders should follow the Old Gods or the new God named God. Magni, you see (if you are me), is pictured on Iceland’s coat-of-arms, with his long hair and beard, and Iceland became Christian very quickly after the góði announced – hardly a spoiler – that the God named God is going to be the real one, but whoever wants to worship the Old Gods is welcome to do so in private. They didn’t survive long. Because with very few exceptions they returned into the Nine Worlds.

But the Hidden Folk, whom we call elves, stayed in Iceland… and still dwell there.

This is how a mid-sized idea ties Storytellers and its follow-up to all my other books. I know many people keep waiting for that follow-up, and I promise it is happening. In the meantime, you might enjoy my other books more than you think, even if you don’t think you like fantasy at all; when I tried to submit Storytellers for an award, I was told to submit it in the fantasy category because an elf features in the book. Well, it’s Iceland. Elves are not fantasy there. And, for me, the Old Gods aren’t either… but that’s a blog post idea for some other time!

Ideas, big and small Read More »

What is ‘Land’ about?

Originally published on my ko-fi page as subscriber-only post on August 27

I was talking to a fellow author, Tessa Hastjartanto today, when it struck me. Children is the question; Land is the answer.

My cPTSD therapy has ended three weeks ago. Since then, I have been doing things that have been nowhere near my reach (“comfort zone” LOLOLOL) for, often, six years. Today, for instance, I went out to lunch with Tessa, unaccompanied, at an actual cafe, and it was our first ever 3D meeting. So, technically she also counted as semi-stranger. If you look at me, you probably don’t see someone who hasn’t been able to enter a supermarket for five years.

Children has been my subconscious writing down, in great detail, the memories I have repressed. (You don’t know when you repress your memories, thought I’d mention that. Repressed memories are repressed.) I used to laugh when people told me it was so dark, because I was aware it was very autobiographical. Land is less dark, or rather less often/continuously dark, but I also have all those memories back. Which is why Children took me 29 almost complete rewrites, and Land is on draft 14 – if you exclude the drafts written 4/3/2 years ago when my brain suddenly had a word vomit, it’s actually on its sixth. And as my editor told me, the differences between 5th and 6th (green vs red on the graph) are mostly words or phrases. [In the meantime, the book has been finished and sent to the proofreader – BL]

What is ‘Land’ about? Read More »

What’s the opposite of Xit?

[Note: this post has been originally written a day before Melon 1) endorsed Tr*mp as his dream US president, 2) two days before the news about him donating $45 million a month to his campaign – Melon called the figure ‘total gnus’ which I suppose means more than that?), 3) four days before the addition of ‘raining American flag emojis’ to the #tr*mp2024 and other related hashtags: “the first time X has added a custom hashtag icon in a partisan matter promoting a specific candidate”. Food for thought indeed.]

Somewhere Else

A few years ago, we moved out of Amsterdam. I literally couldn’t go on living there. I gradually lost the ability to leave the house altogether, even with sunglasses and noise-cancelling headphones. Amsterdam is battling the tourist problem and either losing or winning, depending on where you live and whether you’re making money out of tourism. At the end of 2019, we moved into a house in a suburb. Sometimes it’s so quiet Husby asks me to play some music, because he feels weird.

It takes 20 minutes from Amsterdam Centraal to get to our suburb, then five minutes in a bus and another five minutes walking. When I used to live in Amsterdam West, it would take me longer to get to my boyfriend, who lived in North-East. And yet… a large chunk of our Amsterdam friends not only don’t visit, they don’t even seem to remember us. Because we now live Somewhere Else.

Which is why I might return to X.

What’s the opposite of Xit? Read More »

The Two Worlds book 2: Land – November 5

So, it’s official. After mere three years of delays, Land will be with you on November 5 (unless life starts happening again, which is why you didn’t get it on November 5, 2021…)

I got so used to saying ‘the sequel to Children‘ that I nearly forgot that The Ten Worlds is a series. (Updating the website will be a bit of a pain.) Some of what follows are spoilers for Children, so in case you haven’t read that one yet and intend to, close this page and don’t read further…

The Two Worlds book 2: Land – November 5 Read More »

Just the one, dear

This post originally appeared on my ko-fi on May 25

Since 2022, May has always been my worst month, sales-wise. (I know that’s a grand total of two Mays, but 2020-2021 were great years for indie authors.) May 2024 is my actual worst month ever*. It’s May 17th as I am writing this. I have, so far, sold one book – a single copy of Storytellers. If not for my Ko‑fi supporters (thank you SO much!) my writing-related income this month would be €3.32. I spend €9.99 a month on the aggregate app that allows me to see how much I’ve earned (or not) for tax purposes.

I’m not depressed about this – in April I sold 51 books (half of them in 0.99 sales – still). This isn’t a post about the costs of publishing a book either, that’s coming one day in the future. What happened was that I had to ask myself a question: why should I keep writing?

*this puzzle is solved at the end of the post

 

Money?

I generally don’t give young authors advice, but here’s one bit: if you want to become rich by writing books, playing the lottery is a more sensible thing to do. Your chances are about the same and you won’t have to deal with rejections and one-star reviews.

Just the one, dear Read More »

What’s coming in 2024

I’ve spent almost all of 2023 writing, even though it might seemed like I hid from the world (I have). If you like any of my books so far, good news follows! (I’m really looking forward to having TWO books in ANY series…)

 

Storytellers follow-up

It’s happening. A few months ago, on a Thursday, someone asked me if there will ever be one, and I said no – I just didn’t have any ideas. I’d have to force myself to squeeze something out and it wouldn’t be very good. Then I had a dream. (Which is actually how Storytellers started, only it took me three years to realise the dream won’t give up until I write it down.)

The Poison Never Dies is about a thirteen-year-old girl, Camilla – because of course I know everything about being a 13yo girl – who awaits her first date. The boy never shows up. Instead, she overhears a very suspicious conversation. In the morning, the person is found dead. There are no traces, no reason to believe there’s been a murder, and Doctor Brynjólf declares the person died of natural causes. Is Camilla right? Was this conversation about what she thinks it was? Who’s going to believe her? There is love, there is another murder, lots of blackmail, and I know you only really want to know one thing. The answer is: YES HE IS THERE. And he’s happily married. With a son, too.

I’m posting quotes of the unfinished version on my ko-fi for subscribers only. I don’t know whether I’ll finish the whole book this year, because…

What’s coming in 2024 Read More »

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