Backstory

My creative anxiety

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Phil at Asymmetric Creativity wrote a really good Medium post about creative anxiety.

“Dr. John Kounios’s research revealed something that changed how I think about creative doubt: people who experience moderate levels of creative anxiety produce significantly more original work than those who experience either very low or very high anxiety.

There’s a sweet spot where doubt actually enhances creative output. Too little doubt and you skip the refinement process. This often produces work that might be fluent but not meaningful. Too much doubt and your evaluative system overwhelms your creative system, leading to paralysis.”

This explains my experience, or at least a part of it, because my anxiety never really goes away. Not even when the book is out.

My requirements

I’m a simple person. All I want is to always write a better book than the one before, and each of my books is the best I could write. So, I have to keep getting better. I’m a perfectionist. This is perfect recipe for anxiety. What if I don’t get even better this time?! I have only rewritten Why Odin Drinks seven times instead of my usual 20+, what if it needed some more rewrites?

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My creative anxietyRead More »

My creative anxiety Read More »

Cathedra

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(originally posted on www.ko-fi.com/bjornlarssen)

If I could own one work of art, it would be Cathedra by Barnett Newman.

I’ve never been into abstract paintings. I find Rothko interesting mostly because I wonder how he got so many people to fall for it. (Did you know that towards the end of his life he received an order to decorate a ship with his paintings, and he had his students paint them all under his direction? But you can bet the students didn’t get to sign them.) So, seeing this painting on a photograph didn’t exactly excite me.

Until I stood in front of it.

And then a bit closer.

Then even closer. …

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Cathedra Read More »

Ideas, big and small

/ Backstory, My Norse Gods, Norse mythology, The Ten Worlds, Updates, Why Odin Drinks / Leave a Comment

I got my writing mojo back since I last posted about my complete creative block. This is obviously very good news. I don’t know what has changed. Perhaps I just needed time to process what had happened in December, which I tend to do in my subconscious – if I am completely exhausted mentally despite having done nothing, that means my subconscious is working.

My subconscious also works on writing the same way.

Ideas

I’ve been asked many times where I get my ideas from, and my answer is always the same: I can give you five ideas right now, the problem is where to get good ideas.

But a general idea is not enough. I have the first (or zero-th) draft of the follow-up to Storytellers written down, basically what I dreamt plus some padding. It needs a lot of actual content, because while the padding is kinda interesting as soil, you need seeds before something sprouts, not to mention growing into flowers. (In Iceland, probably the purple lupines, pictured above.) So, the big idea needs small ideas…

When ideas don’t work

Some ideas are actually dead end streets. They seem fine in the beginning, then as they develop, they’re also unraveling. I’ve written a lot of stuff that will never get published, because I was sure going somewhere with it, but it took so many detours and split into so many threads I no longer know where I was going to end up.

This applies to small and big ideas. For Land, I had the idea of Magni accidentally inventing communism. I swear Magni crossed his sizeable arms on his chest and said, “I am not doing this.” I asked, surprised, “what are you doing, then?” “You are the author, you figure it out.” Then he left me with the general outline for Land now useless except the first and the final part. I have created this person (I am not too fond of the word ‘character’ when it comes to my writing) with his likes, dislikes, background, needs, wishes, and creating communism simply wasn’t something Magni would do. If I tried to force it to happen nevertheless, I’d end up with a bad book and reviews mentioning the unexplained change for the worse from Children.

Bloodbath & Beyond

I’m finishing the second (i.e. 10th) draft of the sequel to Why Odin Drinks now. The first part is already with Megan Thee Editor. And oh boy, does this book require lots of ideas.

Humour is incredibly difficult to write, because it’s so subjective. I’ve been raised on British comedy (thank you, BBC One!) and those who know my pop-culture references got extra laughs from Why Odin Drinks. Those who don’t, were hopefully mildly amused at least. I write a lot of slapstick, though, and if you do not find slapstick comedy funny at all, even if it’s crafted by a master I don’t pretend to be, you won’t laugh at this book at all. It’s got my lowest overall rating on Goodreads and I am not surprised or disappointed. This is how humour works: sometimes it doesn’t. Ask any stand-up comedian performing for a random audience who doesn’t know them at all.

But jokes are also hard. Emotionally, The Ten Worlds is work, because it’s so autobiographical. From the craft point of view, Why Odin Drinks (the series) is the hardest. Some parts of the Norse lore are hilarious, but in a very bloody way. I try to keep that off-page. Some are interesting and quite deep, but simply not that hilarious. I try to keep that off-page. I have to fill in those blanks, and I need lots of small ideas to do that.

The Big Idea

The Ten Worlds in itself is the big idea – the Norse universe of the Nine Worlds plus Earth, as I don’t subscribe to the belief that Earth = Midgard. Why Odin Drinks is like a series of very early prequels to The Ten Worlds, and there are connections between the two. (If you’ve read both Children and the original Why Odin Drinks story, you know who the singularity is, for instance.)

Bloodbath & Beyond is Freya’s coming-of-Goddess story and illustrates how words and actions have certain unintended consequences – in this case, turning a petulant teenage Goddess into the woman you meet on the pages of Children and Land. (Hint: in the Norse lore, Freya is burnt at a stake three times. This isn’t very hilarious.)

While the sequel to Storytellers is definitely going to happen, I am apparently a fantasy author. This hasn’t happened on purpose. It’s just that I want to write about two things, the Norse beliefs/lore and Iceland, and they’re inseparable. There will be a story published on Ko‑fi soon-ish where Magni helps, AD 1000, a góði to decide whether the Icelanders should follow the Old Gods or the new God named God. Magni, you see (if you are me), is pictured on Iceland’s coat-of-arms, with his long hair and beard, and Iceland became Christian very quickly after the góði announced – hardly a spoiler – that the God named God is going to be the real one, but whoever wants to worship the Old Gods is welcome to do so in private. They didn’t survive long. Because with very few exceptions they returned into the Nine Worlds.

But the Hidden Folk, whom we call elves, stayed in Iceland… and still dwell there.

This is how a mid-sized idea ties Storytellers and its follow-up to all my other books. I know many people keep waiting for that follow-up, and I promise it is happening. In the meantime, you might enjoy my other books more than you think, even if you don’t think you like fantasy at all; when I tried to submit Storytellers for an award, I was told to submit it in the fantasy category because an elf features in the book. Well, it’s Iceland. Elves are not fantasy there. And, for me, the Old Gods aren’t either… but that’s a blog post idea for some other time!

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What is ‘Land’ about?

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Originally published on my ko-fi page as subscriber-only post on August 27

I was talking to a fellow author, Tessa Hastjartanto today, when it struck me. Children is the question; Land is the answer.

My cPTSD therapy has ended three weeks ago. Since then, I have been doing things that have been nowhere near my reach (“comfort zone” LOLOLOL) for, often, six years. Today, for instance, I went out to lunch with Tessa, unaccompanied, at an actual cafe, and it was our first ever 3D meeting. So, technically she also counted as semi-stranger. If you look at me, you probably don’t see someone who hasn’t been able to enter a supermarket for five years.

Children has been my subconscious writing down, in great detail, the memories I have repressed. (You don’t know when you repress your memories, thought I’d mention that. Repressed memories are repressed.) I used to laugh when people told me it was so dark, because I was aware it was very autobiographical. Land is less dark, or rather less often/continuously dark, but I also have all those memories back. Which is why Children took me 29 almost complete rewrites, and Land is on draft 14 – if you exclude the drafts written 4/3/2 years ago when my brain suddenly had a word vomit, it’s actually on its sixth. And as my editor told me, the differences between 5th and 6th (green vs red on the graph) are mostly words or phrases. [In the meantime, the book has been finished and sent to the proofreader – BL]

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What is ‘Land’ about? Read More »

Just the one, dear

/ Backstory, Updates / 2 Comments

This post originally appeared on my ko-fi on May 25

Since 2022, May has always been my worst month, sales-wise. (I know that’s a grand total of two Mays, but 2020-2021 were great years for indie authors.) May 2024 is my actual worst month ever*. It’s May 17th as I am writing this. I have, so far, sold one book – a single copy of Storytellers. If not for my Ko‑fi supporters (thank you SO much!) my writing-related income this month would be €3.32. I spend €9.99 a month on the aggregate app that allows me to see how much I’ve earned (or not) for tax purposes.

I’m not depressed about this – in April I sold 51 books (half of them in 0.99 sales – still). This isn’t a post about the costs of publishing a book either, that’s coming one day in the future. What happened was that I had to ask myself a question: why should I keep writing?

*this puzzle is solved at the end of the post

 

Money?

I generally don’t give young authors advice, but here’s one bit: if you want to become rich by writing books, playing the lottery is a more sensible thing to do. Your chances are about the same and you won’t have to deal with rejections and one-star reviews.

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Just the one, dear Read More »

Why Bjørn Doesn’t Write to Deadlines

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This post originally appeared on my ko-fi blog, available for my supporters – thank you!

After I finished Storytellers, I started working on a disastrous book called The Age of Fire. Luckily I realised in time that not everything I wrote was genius just because it came from my brilliant mind, and shelved the thing. It featured a woman called Maya, though. Maya dressed only in black, had messy, mid-length hair, and liked silver bracelets.

When I started on Children, it had a different title, and was supposed to be Magni’s book, until Maya found out and announced she wasn’t just moving in, but would have half of it for herself, thanks.

This is how I write. [“I” – Ed.]

Children

By now, as in 2023, I sometimes get a say regarding what happens in my books. When I was working on Children, which received 29 rewrites until it became the version it is, I was not blessed with the ability to negotiate yet. I would write something, Magni would take a look, and announce “I’d never do this.” When I inquired, he’d shrug and say “you’re the author, you figure it out.”

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Why Bjørn Doesn’t Write to Deadlines Read More »

Where is Land?

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The sequel to Children is called Land. The book explains why the series is called The Ten Worlds, since our heroines and heroes travel from the Nine Worlds Universe to Iceland (where else?) and some of the survivors make it back. It’s going to be cinematic. Epic, actually. There’s everlasting love, but no romance; exploration of consent and abuse in uneven relationships; there’s Iceland and the Hidden Folk. Questions asked in Children are answered, riddles solved. Aha, Land also doesn’t exist, even though I officially announced it, somewhat optimistically, as a 2021 release.

It’s a grown up book. I had to grow up first.

 

Mel

The first sign that I wasn’t ready was deciding to send an outline to a sensitivity reader (let’s call them Mel), because I wanted to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Some of my new characters are Black-coded – dark elves. One of the reasons is that I want to make Norse fantasy less white. I worried… nah, I was terrified that I was just wasting time. That I wasn’t doing it right.

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Where is Land? Read More »

#poormythology: Creation

/ Backstory, My Norse Gods, Norse mythology, Why Odin Drinks / Leave a Comment

I’ve had a few people tell me they see me as an expert on everything Norse. A few others remarked they’d probably get more out of Why Odin Drinks if they knew more about the “real” mythology. Eeep! Don’t try this at home! Do you know how much stuff I totally destroyed to make up my own stuff?! You don’t, so I’ll tell you. Buckle up.

 

Origins

It took over 200 years from Iceland’s christianisation before Snorri Sturluson got to writing Poetic Edda and Prose Edda. Have you ever played the telephone game? Imagine doing that for 200 years, writing down the results, and announcing this is exactly right. Except you might also get executed if you sound too excited about it.

The mythology (I recommend Kevin Crossley-Holland’s book The Penguin Book of Norse Myths) contradicts itself. It already contradicts itself in the first paragraph of the creation myth! Sometimes, myth A must happen before myth B, and vice versa. Some parts of the myths and Sagas have only survived partially. Some are hotly disputed, often depending on people’s agendas. (Crossley-Holland has his own, but he’s clear about it and lists other possible interpretations.)

I play fast and loose with what I know, which often isn’t all that much. I’m writing satire based on Norse mythology. I make up complete stories because there’s one sentence in the Eddas that inspires me. I create my own canon. If I say Baldr is Frigg’s favourite horse, he can’t turn out to be her son five books from now. That’s what limits me. Snorri’s versions are only a starting point.

Here’s the “original” myth of creation.

 

In the beginning there was Surtr

Here is how life began: the flames of Müspelheim and the ice of Niflheim met in a void called the Ginnungagap, creating steam, from which came a giant called Ymir.

Except Surtr, the God of fire, was already in Müspelheim before this happened, very much alive and ready to destroy the Universe that doesn’t exist at this point.

So, back to Ymir. He is a giant. Hard to say compared to whom. Possibly Surtr, although I don’t think so. Also, names already exist. When Ymir goes to sleep – it is not clear where; in the void, I assume – his armpits begin to sweat. This ooze creates the first man and first woman. (Gross.) His leg fathers a son on the other leg. (This is neither how legs or fathering work, but ‘k.) As the ice continues to melt, the fluids take the form of a cow, named Audhumla.

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#poormythology: CreationRead More »

#poormythology: Creation Read More »

Be Aware! Autism!

/ Backstory, Just life, Mental illness / 4 Comments

April is Autism Awareness Month.

 

Remember to be unaware of autism between 1 May and 31 March!

 

Some activists are trying to change the narrative to “autism acceptance month.” I can’t say I disagree, because yes, I am “aware” of autism. I am also aware of rabid dogs, my allergy to orange peel, and of the slugs in our garden. I’d argue, however, that “autism,” as in the word itself, is already widely accepted. Autistic people, not so much.

Among many other fun things, about which I’ll write some other time, autism is a communication disorder.

https://twitter.com/scribecheck/status/1419876034485260299

#ActuallyAutistic people are only acceptable to most neurotypicals (NTs) when our lives are either a motivational “success” story or a tragedy.

 

Autism is accepted when it’s either undetectable or crippling

We don’t understand and we don’t know what we’ve done or what you mean. When we ask questions, we do so to learn how to make you more comfortable. We adapt our behaviour and reshape ourselves based on this feedback. This costs us a lot of energy and destroys our sense of self. If you don’t tell us what you want us to be, we won’t know. We won’t earn the “you don’t look autistic” prize. (I told Husby that the next time we hear this he should say “Bjørn, please perform An Autism for the lady.”)

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Be Aware! Autism! Read More »

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